Wasted Youth

I feel a total jerk.

Been thinkin' and drinkin' this evening. Have not heard from the Asian princess for several days. Oh, we spoke briefly on the phone. She told me the reason she hasn't been coming by my place is that she's having that time o' the month. Which is cool. I can understand that.

But ugh, I miss her already. I shouldn't sweat one person. There are lots of women in the world. But the sex we had was so passionate. I'm just fearful I'll never hear from her again. That'll she'll move on, meet someone new, someone better. Which, in my case, wouldn't be that hard to do. But we seemed pretty damn sexually in synch. So...

I may just be worrying too much. I do that and this is part of the reason why I never have a girlfriend.

Only time will tell. But tonight. I'm thinking of the years I pissed away. I'm still young. But my earlier years, ten years ago or so. I spent them working shit office jobs surrounded by people I hated. I did that for years, hating those jobs. When I could have been working in the entertainment industry, doing extra work, working as a PA (production assistant) on films and TV. I would have been in the industry, even on some small level. And made the same if not more money than I was making in those office jobs. I was writing my screenplays at night so I was still working towards my goal of getting into the film world.

I probably wrote about this before. But it irks the shit out me from time to time. The fear. I had the fearful courage to move to L.A. all by myself. But not to move to Hollywood. And go full force into the entertainment world. What an idiot. All those years of wasted youth.

If I could go back? Just before I moved? I had saved up a lot of money. A nice little nest egg. And I would have shaved my head. Bought a cheap wardrobe of all black clothes. Slimmed down. Painted my car jet black. Hell, I would have spray painted it black if I didn't wanna spend the money on a cheap professional paint job.

And I would have moved to a cheap, clean apartment somewhere in Hollywood or West L.A. and gone full force into the film and TV world. Got myself a headshot, registered with some casting agencies. And written scripts and done open mic stand-up comedy at night. Maybe have met a girl and fell in love. Or at least in lust.

Those years were a magical time. But I just didn't realize it. I realize now how magical they were from the music and movies and books and TV shows of that era. But I did not appreciate them at the time really. Well. Live and, hopefully, learn.

Here's two tunes from that era I didn't truly relish when they first came out. But now I wish I had. They are just songs. But they made me realize that I missed out on so much life, so much freedom, so much sexuality, so much everything back then.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkqIHWAMSJ4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqH_xqh0eVw