Lonely Man There On The Corner

This is how I'm feeling tonight.

The lonely man there on the corner.

I called the Asian princess tonight. Got her voice mail like most times. Left a message and tried to sound cool, collected and confident. Told her I wanted to see her again. Then sent her a follow up e-mail for the hell of it.

After this. I don't think I should bother with much more. I've put myself out there. I know so little about women I never know how many times to call, how many e-mails to send. You have to play it cool. But you have to show interest at some point. She's a busy girl. A single mum, a student, a job where she's getting on the job training in her chosen profession, the medical field. So I've no doubt she's busy, busy, busy as a bee.

But. Damn, I miss her. I miss the great sex we had. And the companionship. I should be out scoping other chicks in the meantime. But I hate doing that. I like her. And I don't even barely know her. Did she lose interest? Did I say the wrong thing? Or did she just have a simple change of heart? Or meet someone better? She may just be out cruising other guys who's ads she answered online.

Damn. I just could have really used more of that FWB vibe I thought we had going. Friend With Benefits. Just damn. Wonder if it fizzled out like a firecracker on the day after the Fourth of July?

Unlucky at cards, unlucky at love, unlucky at life. That's me. The lonely man there on the corner. Or rather the lonely man in his studio.

I may be fretting all for naught. I could very well hear from her this very week. And she'll be back for some of the great sex we had before. She was so responsive, so vocal, and she left with a big smile on her face everytime we were together in the past, thanking me each time for a great time. Whether it was sex or sex and watching a movie. I may just be too weird for her.

See the lonely man there on the corner...

And nobody knows him, and nobody cares, cos there's no hiding place, there's no hiding place, for you...

He sees everything and nothing at all...

I swear I wish I was a normal person with normal relationships. And not sad and neurotic. I just wish I felt as wonderful as everyone else. I wish I was a normal happy person. The kind of people I see all around me all the time.

But I'm not like that and never could be.

Well, if nothing else. I had those nights of great sex and warmth and happiness with her. Hell, I'm probably worrying about nothing. Sometimes I think about ending it all. Just to be done with everything. Boring jobs, worrying about being overweight, worrying about depression, worrying about having no life and nothing to come home to at the end of the day.

Other than surfing the web on my computer. I was hoping I could make it work with this gal. In some respect. But I may have crapped out again. Flat broke and busted. Alone again.

I always think to myself when this happens. I guess somebody else gets to have great sex with her and not me. Never me. Someone else gets to know happiness with her. And not me. Once again.

Fuck you, God. You don't exist. And you never did. There's nothing for me in this life except misery and bitterness and unhappiness. No joy for me. Never for me.

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow...

Or maybe I'm just worrying about nada.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMGLvwfRelo