Losers Lament

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'm so fucking bored. My life is dull and empty. Maybe I shouldn't be drinking. I don't know.

I see people all around me in the world, on TV, on the net, in films, commercials, in day to day life, at bars, restaurants.

People happy, enjoying life, joyous, happy. Not sad, angry, fearful, paranoid, and so totally fucking and utterly bored with life like me.

I don't have the courage to venture out. I know I'll be miserable. I can be miserable at home.

I have a good job, a good car, decent apartment. I should be happy but I'm not. I'm overweight, out of shape, with a body so weak and abused that it doesn't feel like it can ever be improved.

It's overall weight could be brought down. But just try adding any muscle to these spindly arms. I can't get motivated to stick to any kind of long range exercise plan.

I see so many people with thin, tight, beautiful bodies. Not perfect. But fit, comfortable enough to walk around the beach or swimming pool in a bathing suit.

Not I says I. Not I.

I hate myself, I hate my boring life. No love, no sex, no romance, no fun.

All I have to look forward to is a decent sandwich during my workday lunchtime break.

And maybe a good movie. I can't relate to anyone. I can't...can't...can't...

I've never felt comfortable in this world. I should be happy and grateful. I could be a dirt poor person living in some third world country who barely gets enough food to survive.

I'm sick, sad, angry and depressed. And oh so bored and empty.

I wish I could wake up tomorrow. After being asleep for 28 days and nothing but water and a bare minimum amount of food fed to me through an IV.

And be near skeletal thin.

And find the world and everyone in it gone. Vanished. Save for.

Two percent of the population. Like 28 Days Later...

I don't have anyone on this planet I love enough to really miss. That sounds horrible but it's true.

I'm an empty, insignificant shell. Nothing.

Unfeeling and uncaring. Well -- not totally. If I was unfeeling I wouldn't feel so bad.

I wish some genuine happiness could come into my life. And some strength to face the day.

Please Lord/God/Goddess help me to find the strength. To carry on and find some much needed peace on this little green planet called Spaceship Planet Earth.

Peace.