Mysteries Of Love

What a time it's been.

Well, my film is officially out. And in stores throughout North America. And has been for over a month now.

Hard to believe I can now hold the actual DVD in my not so hot little hands and gaze in wide wonder at what I have unleashed upon the world. A DVD released by a major distributor no less! A film gets a release by a major movie studio, it's a success, end of story.

So one can take some comfort in that.

My (new) friend with benefits and I called it quits last night. We had been seeing each other these last two months. We hung out, banged like crazy and then after lay in bed, touching, talking, talking and talking. She reminds me a lot of my last girl. She's another Asian princess. Filipino.

It was nice having the company. Sometimes I wanted her to leave so I could be alone again. But it was nice overall.

But she came to tears the other night when she knew it had to end. She wanted someone she could marry and have children with. And she was sad that I didn't want what she wanted. She said I could fuck her every night and satisfy her. We experimented with many things. She told me she had been with only one other man in her life. For over a decade. And so I went wild and we tried all sorts of things. I bought her her first sex toy and we had a bit of fun with it.

Never bought a sex toy for a woman before. But I figured what the heck.

But she wanted to have sex one last time and we did. And we said goodbye and she walked out the door. Never to be seen again. I knew it was probably the right thing to do. But I couldn't help but feel a bit sad.

The mysteries of love confound me. Ala a beautiful Julee Cruise song.

She said was with her last and first and only boyfriend for over ten years, since college. And he didn't treat her well. She came to tears when she told me how he once went to help someone move on the day of their anniversary and she had cooked for them. But he didn't care. He even denied her sex for the longest time and she never cheated on him once.

I told her she was a sweet girl and a good person with a good soul who didn't deserve to be treated like that. And I told her she deserved someone much better than a weirdo like me.

But she said I had a lot to offer a girl. That I had issues but I was a nice, stable guy. And how hard those were to find. I had told her I wasn't the kind of guy you bring home to your family but she told me I was.

We talked about how I could see how hard it was for a woman to find a good man, since so many are fuck ups and losers and out of work and just plain jerks, freaks and creeps.

But I told her she was a good person and she'd find someone soon.

She had said I would break her heart and she would fall for me. Even though I told her we only knew each other a short while.

I had shown her my baby book. Which was filled with things from my infancy. And she told me don't show girls your baby book if you don't want them to fall for you.

But we said goodbye that night and that was that.

But I kind of miss her.