Dorian Gray Lives

Back again.

Well, broke it off with my new Filipino female friend. We got back together after I did some fast talking. And we were dating again for three months when I decided it wasn't going well enough for my liking.

Actually I had issues with her looks. So that is what sunk the relationship for me. Shallow, I know. But true. Even though I liked SO many things about her. She was always happy, smiling, in a good mood. Unlike me. She got happy hand clapping delight out of the little things in life. Like seeing popcorn pop from a popping machine at the movies. At the sight of animals. I miss those things about her. And I wonder if I made the wrong decision.

Plus she was a foodie like myself. And we did a lot of hiking together. Before her I would have never gone on a hike. And it got me thinking I could keep doing our hikes, our four mile walks by the beach on my own.

I miss a lot of things about her and I wonder if I did the right thing breaking up with her. She was my girl, my friend. And I feel like I just threw her away. And it isn't like I've got a ton of pretty girls beating down my door.

Who's going to love me, care about me at this age? I'm not that old. But sometimes I feel it. I'm wracked with thoughts and fears of old age. I think I wish I was Dorian Gray.

I think I get her back if I sent her flowers five days in a row, said I was sorry. I think she liked me that much. Plus the sex we had was amazing for her. She's only been with one other man. So even a douche like me is going to come across way better than her last boyfriend.

If you show a woman a good time in the sack they will forgive a lot.

I was hoping to get back together with the other Filipino chick my new friend reminded me of. I e-mailed her and told her I would love to see her again. Amazingly she wrote back saying that would be cool.

Then I went for a walk at the beach like I used to do with my just dumped ex and the other chick was there with her sister. I walked right by her without recognizing her. I was spacing out. And she e-mailed me saying she saw me there. I then called her on her cell and we discussed this. She then said she'd call me when she was available to get together.

Which I fear may be never since I weirded her the fuck out.

So I lost one girl and now I've not another. Just my shit luck. Maybe it be a sign from above?

I've been talking a lot via e-mail with my internet film critic friend about it all. He's been cool about dispensing sagelike amounts of advice.

Hatefully yours...